Many of you are familiar with the concept of Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages.” If you aren’t – you should be! It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, married or not, parent or grandparent, a person of faith or staunch unbeliever. If you have relationships with people at home, church, work or school it is beneficial for you to be aware of the concept of love languages. It will help you show love and appreciation and improve communications with everyone you are in relationship with.
The 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Dr. Chapman claims that everyone has a “love tank” that needs to be filled. The tricky part is we don’t all run on the same type of fuel. If you put regular gasoline in a vehicle that requires diesel fuel it will not respond well. Likewise, if you are showering gifts on someone whose primary love language is quality time they are likely to be left feeling unloved no matter how hard you “think” you’re trying. It doesn’t take much of a stretch to see how this concept would be beneficial in dealing with spouses, children, friends and co-workers. Most of us can also think back to a time when we felt a parent or other loved one wasn’t showing us love but, in reality, they were just speaking a different love language.
My primary love language is Words of Affirmation and my secondary language is Acts of Service. My husband’s primary language is Physical Touch and his secondary is Acts of Service. Understanding this has allowed us to show love to one another and also learn to receive tokens of love in the way they are meant. It has enhanced our relationship and helped to reduce misunderstandings.
It doesn’t take much to learn your or your loved-one’s primary love language and begin to apply it. There are resources if you are married, single or parenting. Most recently, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace has been published to apply this concept to our work and ministry lives. The 5 Love Languages website is a great place to start exploring this concept and you can take an online assessment to determine your primary love language.
How have you used knowledge of the 5 Love Languages to improve relationships in your life? If you haven’t applied these principles how do you think they would be beneficial in your relationships?