They’re Watching!

“Hi Dr. Bass! I thought that was you!” said a patient as she stopped by our table at Applebee’s. I was eating lunch with my husband before we went grocery shopping after church one Sunday. I had been fighting a sinus infection, had only felt like eating half of my lunch and the last thing I wanted to do was carry on a conversation with someone but, of course, I smiled and asked her how she was and said that it was nice to see her and I hoped she had a great afternoon. Afterwards, at the grocery store, I think I saw another three patients or so.

Living, working and going to church in the same town means we see a lot of people we know. That’s ok. In fact, most of the time I like it. I dreamed of being a doctor most of my childhood and being recognized as the friendly neighborhood optometrist always went right along with that. (My sister will tell you I’ve always wanted to be famous!) I once sat with a group of young doctors at a luncheon while they discussed how terrible it would be to live in the same town where they worked. One actually said “I can’t imagine having to see my patients at the grocery store! The last thing I want to do is talk to them after hours!” While I understand and agree that we all need a time to turn off, if you are a doctor, teacher, business owner or church leader that is just not going to be an option for you a lot of the time. Is it fair? No. Is it what you signed up for? Yes.

For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.  Luke 12:48b

To be respected as the professional you are, you have to act respectable no matter where you are.

I can’t tell you what is appropriate for you or what you can or cannot do. (Trust me, I would often like to, but it’s really not my place.) While we are far from perfect, my husband (who is on stage a lot at our church) and I really try to be careful about what we say and do in public and what we post on social media. We do not want to represent ourselves, my practice or our church poorly. Is it fair that we should have to worry about how others interpret our actions? No. Is it what we signed up for? Yes.

You have the right to do whatever you want to do. Unfortunately you do not have the power to keep your actions from reflecting on you and your organization. If you want to be a success and have a positive influence on your community you have to be conscious of this fact.  Everything speaks and those around you are listening. Make sure you are telling the story you want them to hear.

 

Know Their Love Language

Many of you are familiar with the concept of Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages.” If you aren’t – you should be! It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, married or not, parent or grandparent, a person of faith or staunch unbeliever. If you have relationships with people at home, church, work or school it is beneficial for you to be aware of the concept of love languages. It will help you show love and appreciation and improve communications with everyone you are in relationship with.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

Dr. Chapman claims that everyone has a “love tank” that needs to be filled. The tricky part is we don’t all run on the same type of fuel. If you put regular gasoline in a vehicle that requires diesel fuel it will not respond well. Likewise, if you are showering gifts on someone whose primary love language is quality time they are likely to be left feeling unloved no matter how hard you “think” you’re trying. It doesn’t take much of a stretch to see how this concept would be beneficial in dealing with spouses, children, friends and co-workers. Most of us can also think back to a time when we felt a parent or other loved one wasn’t showing us love but, in reality, they were just speaking a different love language.

My primary love language is Words of Affirmation and my secondary language is Acts of Service. My husband’s primary language is Physical Touch and his secondary is Acts of Service. Understanding this has allowed us to show love to one another and also learn to receive tokens of love in the way they are meant. It has enhanced our relationship and helped to reduce misunderstandings.

It doesn’t take much to learn your or your loved-one’s primary love language and begin to apply it. There are resources if you are married, single or parenting. Most recently, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace has been published to apply this concept to our work and ministry lives. The 5 Love Languages website is a great place to start exploring this concept and you can take an online assessment to determine your primary love language.

www.5lovelanguages.com

How have you used knowledge of the 5 Love Languages to improve relationships in your life? If you haven’t applied these principles how do you think they would be beneficial in your relationships?