Category Archives: Success In Life

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Know Their Love Language

Many of you are familiar with the concept of Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages.” If you aren’t – you should be! It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, married or not, parent or grandparent, a person of faith or staunch unbeliever. If you have relationships with people at home, church, work or school it is beneficial for you to be aware of the concept of love languages. It will help you show love and appreciation and improve communications with everyone you are in relationship with.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

Dr. Chapman claims that everyone has a “love tank” that needs to be filled. The tricky part is we don’t all run on the same type of fuel. If you put regular gasoline in a vehicle that requires diesel fuel it will not respond well. Likewise, if you are showering gifts on someone whose primary love language is quality time they are likely to be left feeling unloved no matter how hard you “think” you’re trying. It doesn’t take much of a stretch to see how this concept would be beneficial in dealing with spouses, children, friends and co-workers. Most of us can also think back to a time when we felt a parent or other loved one wasn’t showing us love but, in reality, they were just speaking a different love language.

My primary love language is Words of Affirmation and my secondary language is Acts of Service. My husband’s primary language is Physical Touch and his secondary is Acts of Service. Understanding this has allowed us to show love to one another and also learn to receive tokens of love in the way they are meant. It has enhanced our relationship and helped to reduce misunderstandings.

It doesn’t take much to learn your or your loved-one’s primary love language and begin to apply it. There are resources if you are married, single or parenting. Most recently, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace has been published to apply this concept to our work and ministry lives. The 5 Love Languages website is a great place to start exploring this concept and you can take an online assessment to determine your primary love language.

www.5lovelanguages.com

How have you used knowledge of the 5 Love Languages to improve relationships in your life? If you haven’t applied these principles how do you think they would be beneficial in your relationships?

 

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Don’t Be Cool (Part II)

Several months ago I read a post by Bruce Van Horn that gave some incredible insight on the word enthusiasm. He said “The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek “en” meaning within and “theos” meaning God. It was used to describe people with God-like abilities or very strong God-inspired ideas and convictions.”

I wrote last time about being passionate and how I’ve felt the need at different times in my life to temper my passion and enthusiasm with being “cool” which (to me it seemed) was synonymous with popular, collegiate and professional. Stifle my excitement or risk not being taken seriously. When I read the above-referenced post it was very affirming. It’s ok, even admirable and desirable to be enthusiastic about important things. Enthusiastic means “God within.” How great is that?

The bible even warns against being cool. Revelation 3:16 says  “16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

Don’t be cool. Don’t be lukewarm. Be excited! Be enthusiastic! Discover what you’re passionate about and pursue it! If you’re feeling a little brave comment below and tell us what you’re passionate about and what you’re going to do about it.

(follow Bruce Van Horn on twitter @BruceVH or find him on facebook. He has some great positive posts)

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Don’t Be Cool (Part I)

“The worst possible condition to be in life is cool. Dead animals are cool! Show some emotion!”

I loved reading this at the end of Scott Alexander’s book Rhinoceros Success (Lampo Press 1980) I spent most of my life trying to be cool. I thought to be aloof and unimpressed was akin to being sophisticated. It was hard, because I’m naturally a bit goofy. I get excited and I don’t get tired of or bored with things easily. In high school, I loved band and scholar bowl and the softball team but it seemed like the “cool kids” thought everything was boring and lame. In undergrad, I loved the goofy friends on my honors floor and some of my professors but the “really intelligent” co-eds were always highly unimpressed by others. Now that I’m a doctor, I love my patients and marketing and decorating my office for holidays and teaching my team but the “more experienced” doctors who know how “the world really works” are always exasperated by their staff and patients. As a result, I feel like I’m being unprofessional, silly or naive if I’m too positive or excited about things.

I realize the easiest thing to say is “who cares!” Who cares what other people think? While I can certainly say that I care A LOT less now than I used to, as a human being on planet earth you can’t just not care what others think. You may say you don’t…but you do. We all do. Caring what others think is part of relationships and getting along in society. It’s OK (sometimes even important) to care about what others think of you. But…don’t let it stifle you. Don’t let them rain on your parade when you love to march in the band! If something excites you GET EXCITED! Don’t be a dead animal. Let your passion inspire others.

I’m looking forward to sharing something neat I learned about the origin of the word “enthusiasm.” Until next time tell me: What are YOU passionate about?

P.S. Scott Alexander’s book Rhinoceros Success is a quick read and really good. I would recommend it for anyone wanting to get the most out of their life. You can also check him out at http://scottrobertalexander.com/

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The Multi-headed Fear Monster

What do perfectionism, procrastination, comparison and insecurity have in common? They are all heads of the fear monster! They have all kept me from making this first “real” blog post. Oh, it’s not the writing. I enjoy that. (I’ll tell you a secret: I have a notebook full of potential blog posts.) I am a perfectionist when it comes to many things. Some other things…not so much…but if it’s important I want it to be good. I don’t want others to look better than I do. So, I’ve been trying to figure this blog site thing out. Of course, I compare everything to blogs that have been around for a long time or have been professionally done. I want mine to be perfect so I procrastinate. Fear keeps me from just jumping in and doing it. I am insecure *gulp* and don’t want anyone to think I’m stupid or silly or…worse…not worth reading.

This morning, when I was awake at 4:00 am. for absolutely no reason, it just hit me. If I wait for it to be perfect it will never happen. I have so many things I want to share. I can’t let the facts that I’m not sure I have a real “home page” and I can’t figure out how to put my picture where I want it keep me from sharing ideas that could help other people. So…here I go. Posting on a blog site that is not yet perfect. Realizing that it is, like life in general, a work in progress. Realizing that insecurity can paralyze me or I can choose to be empowered in spite of it.  If I wait for perfection it will never happen. And that’s ok. In fact…I think it’s more than ok.