Category Archives: Success In Life

Posted on

Life Planning Date

Just do it!

I love the word “intentional” and I long to live every day of my life in an intentional manner. Unfortunately I am far, far from that. One discipline that gets me closer to living intentionally is having a life planning date with my husband. I am a firm believer in this and have had several people ask me about it so here is a slightly more instructional blog than what I usually write.  I hope it helps you to live a more productive, intentional, peaceful life!

My husband and I usually do our life planning date at the beginning of the quarter (January, April, July, October) but will occasionally do it more often. We plan on discussing the coming three months. You don’t have to wait until the beginning of the quarter and you don’t have to plan out three months ahead if that seems overwhelming to you. You can start small but I encourage you to start SOON.

  • You must leave your house!!! On Mondays I work through lunch and am done seeing patients around 2:30 so we like to have our life planning date during this time. Set aside two hours and pick a restaurant that has big tables where you can relax. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to have a life planning date at your home. Even if you send your kids away you will be too distracted and/or will not take the exercise seriously. Make this an event and something to look forward to. Maybe even go shopping or out to a movie afterwards (but not before!)
  • It’s important to have the right tools for the job. I recommend a legal pad, writing utensils and of course your calendar or planner (paper and/or electronic) Even if you are a very digital person I recommend having the legal pad and pen so you can scribble notes while you talk. You might have some great brainstorming moments!
  • Discuss what you want to accomplish. This is going to be different for everyone but here are some suggested topics to plan: kids activities, church activities, work projects, work trips, vacations, home projects big and small, financial goals, personal goals, holiday plans…
  • The goal is for you both to be on the same page and know what activities are coming up and who needs to be where and when. Hopefully you’ll both come away with a prioritized to-do list and an accurate calendar.

If you’ve never done something like this before it might seem weird or awkward at first. Your spouse (or you!) might think it’s a silly idea. I’m not sure what my husband thought about it at first but now I think he looks forward to it as much as I do. A note to my single friends: this can work for you too! I took myself out to dinner a few weeks ago because I needed to be very focused on making some lists and planning some important things coming up. Getting yourself out of your familiar environment and intentionally concentrating on tasks at hand can be very productive!

I hope this exercise helps you as much as it has me. There’s something very empowering about setting aside time to talk about goals, come up with a plan and walk away feeling prepared as a unified team. I would LOVE to hear about your experience with life planning dates! Share in the comments below!

Posted on

Just Keep Scrolling

Avoiding negativity in a saturated life

I’ve heard that Facebook makes you hate people you thought you liked and Pinterest makes you love people you’ve never met. Unfortunately, I think there is a lot of truth to that. I love social media (obviously) but with it comes the opportunity to be offended, self-righteous, paranoid and just plain negative right at your finger tips, any time, day or night.

While there is a lot of evil in the world, I truly believe there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:8-10.) I believe the difference is what my good friend Kari said “In our society everything is a BIG DEAL!” Nothing goes unanalyzed. Nothing is a minor annoyance. We are bombarded by, expected to have an opinion on and debate so many things. Many of which we have absolutely no control over. It can cause lack of sleep, damage to relationships and loss of joy. I really like what Scott Alexander says in Rhinoceros Success (Lampo Press 1980):

Do not ignore the negative but don’t saturate yourself with it, either. We become the product of three things: the people we associate with, the books we read and the media we listen to.

Care deeply. Influence the part of your world that you can. Educate yourself. Vote. Make a difference. Don’t be drawn into negativity and don’t become bitter. If you are a Christian, your theology may be sound and your values may be correct but you can destroy your witness and damage the church through negative media banter. Don’t kid yourself that you are simply expressing some righteous indignation. You probably aren’t. You are quite possibly being a jerk.

Resisting social media negativity looks different for different people. Maybe you have to limit time spent on your devices. Maybe you have to unfollow some people who are always pushing your buttons. Maybe you have to sit on your hands. Maybe you have to just keep swimming scrolling. Maybe, just maybe, you need to have a real, face-to-face conversation about something really important. Identify what is most likely to put you in a place of negativity and have a strategy to avoid those things. Have a plan to stay positive. Here’s a good plan:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. – Philippians 4:8

Posted on

Does Wealth Equal Success?

How would you define success? Many of us equate wealth with success, and it IS often a barometer of success. However, lack of wealth does not necessarily mean you aren’t successful AND wealth isn’t always what you think it should be.

“People who work hard sleep well, whether they eat little or much. But the rich seldom get a good night’s sleep.” Ecclesiastes 5:12

Success can look like many different things to different people. Maybe it’s early retirement, more time with your kids while they’re young, the ability to work from home, the freedom to say “no,” being able to give to charities. If you focus only on your net worth as a measure of success you might be missing a lot of blessings or, even worse, you could completely miss how your life is intended to bless others.

Lack of wealth does not equal lack of success or favor. We often think “If only I had more money, a bigger house, a nicer car…” wealth can actually be a source of anxiety. More stuff equals more to maintain, insure, protect…and more to lose. If you are discouraged because you don’t have more money or more stuff maybe you should be thankful instead. Maybe, just maybe, God is giving you just what you need when you need it and saving you from worry you don’t need or can’t handle right now.

Maya Angelou said “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it.” If I could say those three things every day I would consider my life a success. How would YOU define success?

Posted on

Ambition – Friend or Foe?

It’s a new year! For so many of us this means evaluating what we accomplished last year and setting new goals for this year. In contrast, I do know some people who staunchly refuse to make any resolutions because “No one ever sticks with them anyway.” I believe that, new year or not, goals are very important. Goals allow us to be intentional about growth and, if we’re not growing, we’re dying.

God has given us the skills and desires to be ambitious and to achieve. He gave Adam a job even before he gave him a mate. (Genesis 2:15)  Jesus celebrated the servants who invested and multiplied their bags of gold. (Matthew 25:14-30) All through the bible, God uses those who are good workers. Healthy ambition allows us to improve and achieve for ourselves, our families, our church and our communities.  In contrast, lack of ambition/laziness does not honor God, fulfill our familial obligations or help advance our communities.

Any talk of achievement begs the question: Where does healthy ambition end and unhealthy ambition/selfishness begin? Ecclesiastes chapter 7 warns against extremes. Jamie Allen, senior pastor of Central Christian Church in Mt. Vernon, IL gives two “guardrails” against uncontrolled ambition.

  • Ambition must be controlled by love for your family. This guardrail has to do with time. Family must always take priority over money, career, status and material things. Most of us who work outside the home spend more waking hours at work than at home most days. If you can’t have quantity, make sure you have quality. Maximize the time you have with your family. Make sure the people at home know they are more important than the people at work. If your family relationships are suffering because of your goals you are probably slipping into unhealthy ambition.
  • Ambition must be controlled by your love for God. This guardrail has to do with integrity. A Christian’s ambition has to be controlled by integrity. Others aren’t always aware of your motives but your motives will be brought out into the light eventually. Nothing is important enough to violate what God commands. If you find yourself willing to tell “a little white lie,” change the date on that document or take advantage of someone (even if it’s legal) to achieve your goals you are traveling down the road of selfish ambition.

Don’t be afraid to be ambitious, set some goals and work to achieve them. There is honor in that success. You can bless others with that kind of success. Just make sure you don’t let selfishness overtake healthy ambition.

**I highly recommend watching the lesson that inspired this post. Go to http://www.thenewcentral.com/ondemand and choose “First-2.”

 

 

Posted on

Gratefulgiving

November…the month where people who have complained on social media for the last 10 months suddenly become thankful. I’m sure you’ve seen the posts from friends and family listing things they are thankful for. You’ve no doubt also seen the sarcastic memes and comments from others admonishing them for being hypocrites. It’s not hypocritical to choose to express thankfulness. In fact, it’s when we don’t FEEL thankful that it’s most important to acknowledge that there is always, always something to be thankful for.

When we are thankful we are remembering the blessings in our life and acknowledging things that have turned out the way we hoped they would. Being thankful is a great first step, but it’s through gratefulness that we personally grow and change lives. Gratefulness is expressing thankfulness. Gratefulness grows you as a person and blesses others. Be intentional to show appreciation to others in your life. Say “thank you” to your server, mail carrier, co-workers, boss, clients, pharmacist, anyone who works to make your life better or helps you to accomplish what you need to in every day life. Even the simplest expression of appreciation can turn a day around both for the recipient and the giver.

We are all hypocrites. Every single one of us. We deny our words with our actions. Our emotions are all over the place. We’re singing praises one day and complaining the next. When you choose to express thanksgiving regardless of your previous attitude you chisel away at your selfish nature. But, as with so many things, it’s the action accompanying the feelings that makes the difference in your life and in others.

In this season of thanksgiving remember the words of John F. Kennedy “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.”  If you need a place to start, make a list of what you are thankful for and consider how you can express gratefulness for those things. How can you turn your thanksgiving into a blessing?

Posted on

The Power of a Smile

I love to smile! I am a generally happy person and as Buddy says in the movie Elf  “I just like to smile! Smiling’s my favorite.” Although I smile a lot, I hate my smile in pictures about 90% of the time. When I scrutinize a photo of myself I see: the cleft in my chin, a narrow mouth (especially compared to my huge face,) lips that thin out when I smile and buck teeth with a chipmunk-esque overbite. I want my smile in pictures to portray how I feel when I smile but it seldom does and that’s frustrating.

Fortunately, my smile doesn’t have to look good in pictures to make a difference in someone’s life. A smile is the same in any language, country or culture. While on a mission trip in the Brazilian Amazon, a Brazilian pastor shared (through a translator) that he had been praying for me and God gave him a message for me. He said my smile had great healing powers. God was using it and wanted to encourage me to keep using it because it was “very, very powerful.” What an incredible and humbling experience! It’s not often one gets a message like that, yet I still sit here able to tell you exactly what I DON’T like about this smile that God gave me to use.

Your smile is your welcome to everyone you meet. It can put people at ease, make communication easier, break down emotional barriers and say things when words aren’t even possible. Your smile can also change how you feel. It’s hard to have a smile on your face and be grouchy. I am a big believer in “fake it ’til you make it” when it’s appropriate. Sometimes you have to smile first and feel smiley second. It might be a forced smile at first, it might not feel natural, you might even be grumbling under your breath, but I’d be willing to bet that the longer you keep that smile on your face the more relaxed and real it will become.

Mother Teresa said “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” Who can you heal with a smile this week? Maybe YOU are the one who will benefit most. I dare you to smile every single morning and every single afternoon. Smile when you talk on the phone. Smile at your kid or your spouse that you’re frustrated with. Smile at someone who obviously needs it. Smile at your boss. Smile at your server or the person behind you in the grocery store line. Make it a point to smile a little more and let me know how it impacts your week!

Posted on

Leaving a Legacy

Memorial day has come and gone. Graduation ceremonies abound. It’s a perfect time to think of the potential that is within all of us and the legacy we will leave behind. Do you ever think about the legacy you will leave? Psalm 112:1-3 says:

1 Praise the Lord! How joyful are those who fear the Lord
    and delight in obeying his commands.
2 Their children will be successful everywhere;
    an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.
3 They themselves will be wealthy,
    and their good deeds will last forever.

Their children will be successful EVERYWHERE. An ENTIRE generation will be blessed. Their good deeds will last FOREVER. Now that is a legacy! Our good decisions can bless an entire generation and our good deeds can last forever. Conversely, our poor decisions can become our legacy and influence generations to come. The decisions you make in business and in life have eternal consequences. What a privilege and responsibility!

Even if we don’t have children of our own or a protege training directly under us, we all have successors. Any child near you is watching everything you do (much more than they are listening to what you say.) You have teams at work and church. Maybe you lead a class or hold a political office. I have nieces and patients and young church friends and members of my community who are watching the decisions I make and how I handle myself.

Who is YOUR “next generation?”

What legacy do you want to leave? What are you doing to cultivate your legacy?

 

Posted on

It IS What They Hear!

“I am responsible for what I say…not what you hear!” I’ve seen several friends share something similar to this on Facebook over the past couple of years. It sounds perfectly logical…if you live in a vacuum and don’t care about relationships or communication.

It’s true that you can’t MAKE someone understand you. You can’t GUARANTEE that your words will be understood and your feelings will be conveyed. However, it’s your responsibility as a leader, mentor, parent, student, teacher, doctor, etc to communicate with your audience in mind. You can throw up your hands, turn your head and say “Oh well! I told them. Not my fault if they didn’t get it!” or you can take a little time and effort to do your best to communicate your thoughts, feelings and intentions. In my life I do this on a daily basis by:

  • Not using jargon. Words, phrases and abbreviations might be very commonplace to you but sound like a foreign language to others. Your audience might not ask you for clarification because they don’t want to look “stupid.” Don’t put them in that position. Often our jargon becomes second-nature. Ask someone to bring it to your attention if you have trouble catching yourself.
  • Mirroring my audiences communication style. On a daily basis I might talk to a surgeon, elementary teacher, factory worker, teenager and an elderly patient with dementia. I don’t change who I am depending on who I’m talking to, but I certainly change my communication style to make sure I am understood. Always remember to whom you’re speaking.
  • Restating key points in a different way. Don’t be needlessly repetitive, but make sure to state the same key point using different words at a different time during the conversation. It might be that second phrase that really sticks.
  • Reading (to the best of my ability) my audience’s expression and body language. Granted, some people don’t HAVE expressions or appropriate body language, but you can often tell if someone is confused, uncomfortable or bored. This is important information. Use it!

If you take an “it’s not my problem” approach to communication you’ll never grow as a leader or a person. What techniques do you employ to assure you are understood?

Posted on

Night is Coming

I can’t believe we only have 2/3 of 2015 left! I’m still making plans of what I think I’ll do this year. I’m still in analysis paralysis mode. That happens to me a lot. I’m pretty good at making plans, but I’m not always good at executing them. “As soon as things slow down…” “later.” “When I have more time…” are things I tell myself when I have a good idea. I love the word “intentional” but I am not as intentional with my time as I should be. I tend to go through life subconsciously feeling like I have all the time in the world. Jesus warns us against that.

In John 9:14 (NIV) He says “As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.” Jesus is telling his followers that a time is coming when they won’t be able to work, so they must do all they can while they can.

It’s important to live with a sense of urgency. Not panic or sheer busyness but intentional urgency. We only have so much time to accomplish what God would have us do. Thinking we have all the time in the world to accomplish our purpose is the worst kind of procrastination. We have lives to enhance, people to serve and children to teach. We have prayers that need to be placed at the throne and praises that need to be lifted to heaven.

We all have goals and dreams that have been placed in our heart for a purpose. There are things on Earth that you were put here to accomplish and no one is exactly equipped like you. Night is coming. It always gets here quicker than you ever think it will. Search your heart. Make your plan. Most importantly, take action before it’s too late.

Posted on

Every Walt Needs a Roy

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last 75 years (and if that’s the case you’re most likely not reading this) you know of Walt Disney. Have you ever heard of Roy O. Disney? Roy was Walt’s older brother and an integral part of the success of the Disney companies. While Walt was the dreamer, Roy was often the doer. And the voice of reason.

“Every Walt needs a Roy and every Roy needs a Walt. Every dreamer needs a doer. Every starter needs a finisher. Every entrepreneur needs an administrator…If you want to achieve great things, then find the person who supplies what you lack and who lacks what you supply.” Pat Williams How to Be Like Walt: Capturing the Disney Magic Every Day of Your Life (CHI 2004)

We all have certain strengths and weaknesses. It is sometimes good to work to improve upon your weaknesses so they aren’t a hindrance, but it’s always more efficient (and usually more fun) to play to your strengths. Ideally, you find someone who complements you. Someone who is strong where you lack. A Roy to your Walt. When you have people on your team who complement you, far more can be achieved than going it alone.

Some of you are reading this and immediately know “I’m a Walt!” or “Yup. I’m always the Roy.” But don’t worry if it doesn’t seem that simple. Some of us can be either depending on the season of our life or the situation/relationship we are in. For example: I think I’m a pretty good leader most of the time. However, I’m NOT a good administrator. I like to identify potential problems and come up with creative ways to solve them but lack the patience it takes to completely carry out the plan (and heaven forbid I have to make phone calls!) However, at other times in my life I have been the voice of reason and the one who says “That sounds like a good idea, but let’s think about this for a minute. You need a plan!”

“Intrapreneur” is an interesting term that’s been coined fairly recently. I’ll be addressing that in the next post.  In the meantime, if you are a Walt make sure you have a Roy by your side and that you respect and appreciate them. If you are a Roy know that you play a very important role even if it is often “unsung.”  So, at this time in your life, are you a Walt or a Roy?